This is a new blog, and I fumbled around for a while trying
to determine what I wanted to make my first post, but this experience had me
reeling in a way I couldn’t forget.
I don’t think in all my 23 years of existing, I’ve ever encountered a true narcissist. Yes, its possible for persons to possess a quality or two that’s reminiscent of that kind of behaviour, but a full-blown narcissist? I somehow seemed to avoid them for most of my life. This was up until a few days prior to making this post.
I don’t normally self-assess or read posts on websites that promote self-assessment, but after reading this post, I really had my eyes opened (specifically the sections that speak about entitlement, exploitation, and grandiose self-importance).
I recently graduated and became employed at a secondary school in my country, and because I was interested in saving up as much money as possible, I decided to look into on-campus housing. Now I know that this type of housing can be inconvenient (shared amenities, loud neighbours, etc…), but I was interested because the rates were super low, I wanted to save for a car, and I would have my own living quarters. The only thing we would have to share would be the bathroom and the kitchen.
Now things started off well enough I suppose. Another new
teacher who I had made friends with was also moving into the shared space, so I
at least knew one person that I would be living with, and she was the type of
person I usually talk to so I was happy about that.
Now at first, I thought the comments I kept getting from our final housemate were just misguided attempts at being motherly (don’t leave your windows open people will see you change, lock the door when you come inside, etc…), so I didn’t pay much attention to them. My mother was overbearing in the best way when I was younger, so I was super used to nodding and smiling just to keep the peace. (Mom and I are great now; she’s let up a lot and we talk on the phone every day.)
Something I didn’t mention before this, was that I love to clean. I enjoy clean spaces, I love sparkling mirrors and tiles, I like smelling bleach and disinfectant sprays. I enjoy cleanliness. For the four weekends of September, I’ve been the only house member here. Everyone else runs off to their families and such. But everyone else lives really close by. If I traveled home every weekend, I’d spend more time travelling than resting, so I decided to just go home for major holidays. Now for those four weekends, I’ve been the only one cleaning. I honestly didn’t mind the cleaning, because I do enjoy it, but I wasn’t the only one using the bathroom. Even though I’m the only one there on the weekends, two other people use it for the other five days of the week.
The third time I cleaned it, I changed the cloth curtain to a plastic one and put up a liner (wet cloth will mildew, plastic is easier to clean). After cleaning the toilet, bathtub/shower, face basin and the floor, the original housemate had the audacity to ask me why I didn’t wash the curtain, because it was hers. I do a lot of meal prep on the weekends, so expecting me to clean the bathroom, plus wash the curtains, plus do all my prep work for school, plus do laundry, when I was the only one cleaning for the past three weeks kind of rubbed me the wrong way, but I looked past it. I just said no, and moved on.
Come next week, guess who’s cleaning again? Me. So I clean.
Now, I didn’t mention it before, but there are a lot of storage containers in
the bathroom for water, because sometimes we have water issues (none of these
belong to me or my other friend; we store our water in our personal rooms).
Normally when I clean the bathroom, I take out all the containers,
clean and haul them back in. This time, I was exhausted afterwards, so I left
them out, meaning to tell the original house member that since I cleaned the
bathroom for the fourth time now, the least she could do was put in back her
LORD, WHO TOLD ME TO DO THAT?
This is where everything comes to the surface. Now I leave
first in the mornings, because I love to be early. The morning when this all occurred,
my friend told me that after I left, Madam Original was walking around the
house talking about how much the devil was trying to test her, and how she
needed guidance to deliver her from me.
When she gets to work, she asks to speak with me, and tells
me that she needs her containers replaced, and I explain my thought process (I’ve
cleaned multiple times now, just put them back inside). She’s adamant that
since I moved them, I need to move them back.
We put the conversation on hold because we’re at work and she says she needs to have a meeting with me in the evening, and I call my mother, my other house mate and my best friend because I really need some advice. My mom says I should put them back and tell her that my mother says I don’t have permission to speak to ridiculous people (this really made me giggle at the time), my friend says leave them and be petty, and my other house mate says we need to have a meeting because its unfair (this is in reference to both herself and Madam O), that I’ve been the only one cleaning.
I agree and we decide to have the meeting after work. Now we
try to discuss the bathroom, but she says that essentially, I took it upon
myself to clean every week, and she’s never going to clean on the weekends, and
if she’s too tired she won’t clean in the week either. No compromise. She says
that we came and saw her there doing things her way, and we should both adapt.
She says no one should touch her things (mind you she moves our things whenever
she decides something is ghetto or whatever).
Then she started calling me a troublemaker and a warmonger
because I was taking over space. Both me and my friend were confused because we
both keep all of our things in our rooms, while she has about twenty storage
containers with water split between the bathroom and the living room. I try to
ask her what she means, because in reality, if you want to fix a problem, you
need to know what it is right?
No, according to her, she just wants to make peace, I don’t
need to know what I’m doing wrong, I just need to stop doing it. Makes a whole
lot of sense. So, after arguing back and forth for a while, me trying to
convince her to explain to me what I’ve done to be unfairly labelled a
troublemaker, she finally tells me. When she does, I almost malfunction because
I wasn’t even the person doing it.
She claims that she doesn’t like to keep things bottled, she
will tell persons when they offend or upset her, but for the entire month of
September, I’ve apparently been doing this to her. For some reason, she moved
from her original desk to sit beside me in the staff area (I don’t know if she
thought we would be friends or something). There’s a large box of Spanish
materials that used to sit between us both. On my very first day, I put some
papers from my desk in there (I got a Spanish desk, so I was emptying it out). I
haven’t touched it since that day. Apparently, sometimes when she comes in to
sit, she can pull out her chair fine, and sometimes, the box is in the way. Instead
of making the assumption that when the cleaners come every morning, they move
the box to mop and sweep the floor, she made the assumption that I kept moving
it back and forth to spite and inconvenience her. So she asked a gentleman to
move it into storage so I could stop using it against her. I was so unconcerned
with this box, that I didn’t even realize it had been MOVED. That’s how much I
wasn’t even noticing it!
The other issue, making me a troublemaker, besides the container
moving, and the box moving (are we noticing a trend here?) is that I have a
basin that I store water in on top of my stove in the kitchen (there are three
stoves, so we only share the sink). On occasion, over the weekend when I’m here
alone, I move the basin to the counter to make things a little easier, and by
say Tuesday, its back on the stove (sometimes I move it, sometimes she moves it
because it looks ghetto). So, my single basin bothers her, but we shouldn’t be
bothered by her 20 containers all over the house.
Again, she has reiterated that she doesn’t like people to
control her, and she was here first, so if she takes up all of the fridge space,
we should just use the space that’s left (thank heavens I got my own fridge, so
only two of them have to work around that).
So those two issues make me a troublemaker, when I really
haven’t been doing anything at all, and she expected me to walk away from the
conversation, making peace without knowing that she was really deluding herself
into being upset about conceived slights that she made up on her own.
Not to mention she was disrespectful enough to call me ‘Whatever
my name is.” My friend and I have similar names. We both have names ending with
Ann. So, she’ll get it right 80% of the time, then get it wrong then other 20.
While discussing all of this, she called me that three times, and then claimed
to be joking. I also used to the word ‘imply’ while speaking to her, and she yelled
that I wasn’t supposed to use my big English words on her, then followed that
up by saying I’m not ‘cognisant about living in a home, versus a ghetto.’
I’m not even sure where I’m going with this? I wish I was
making this all up. She’s claimed to be an adult (older than us by far), so it’s
her way or no way at all, so the only option for me is to move and I know this,
but I just really needed to vent. I meant for my first post on here to be way
more light-hearted, but I had to express my feelings about this entire situation
or I would have just exploded. My other friend says it would have been better
if I was having issues with a man. It would have made more sense than this foolishness.
If anyone does happen to read this, your insight would really